1 07 2012

If I am completely honest I am still finding day to day life quite overwhelming at the moment. I am doing my best to just be kind to myself, to take it easy and just get through each day in the best way I can. So if I am a little silent at the moment, that is why. I am concentrating on my family and just doing the best I can to stay afloat.

And taking pictures to remind me of these days in the weeks to come.


Far, Far Away

6 05 2012

Mr C is traveling a lot with work this year and has been away from Sunday to Friday every couple of weeks. May is going to be a busy month with lots going on and we are worried about how all this change is affecting Piran. So we have been trying to think of ways to make him understand when Daddy is away, how long it will be until he gets back and to deal with all the worries that this can create for a little boy.

This young knight is called Saint Paul and he has come from Far, Far Away to look after Piran for Daddy while he is away at work. He arrived this morning and when Daddy comes back this weekend he will head back home to his mum who will be missing him by then.

Time will tell if this helps or not but Piran seems quite enamoured with the little man and has taken him with him to Nanny’s house for lunch and off to bed this evening. I have also created a calendar that I have stuck on the fridge with different coloured days for when Daddy is here or at work, and for when I am away (my one weekend off a year this weekend – CybHer in London, yay!) and for days when we are on holiday. I am hoping that crossing each day off and looking at the next one will help him understand what day Daddy will be back.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice on how to manage the expectations of a two year old I would love your input. We are just doing the best we can and talking about it so nothing is a surprise.

It is just a shame that Saint Paul the knight is unable to make me a cup of tea in the morning just like Mr C does.

My Merry-go-round

3 10 2010

I am empty of words or enthusiasm or inspiration. I keep thinking that I should blog, that I haven’t really written anything for weeks. We have been home from holiday for a whole week but other than my weekly gallery post I have hardly even turned on the computer. I am not sure what is wrong with me or why it is but right now I have nothing.

I am tired. Being back at work is frustrating, tiring, fulfilling, eye-opening. I get flashes of the person I was before I was a Mum, it both frightens and intrigues me. I miss Piran more than I expected, and get annoyed that by the time I see him at night I am too tired to appreciate and enjoy him so end up counting the minutes to bedtime. I am definitely still striving for the work-life balance that I need.

I am not living I am surviving and it annoys me. I am hormonal and difficult to live with. I have nothing to share with you, my friends and that is irritating me. This blog is the key to my sanity most of the time, so I worry when I cannot even manage to find something to write about here.

Still, I know that this feeling will lift soon and I will move on to the next thing we have to deal with. This year is passing so fast, it makes me feel like I have lost control. I am hanging on by my fingernails to this merry-go-round and just wish, for a day or two that things would slow down. Or that I had a magic pause button that stopped everyone and everything in it’s tracks so I could sleep and sleep and then when I feel refreshed I would clean and tidy and organise everything around me. Then I would eat and sleep again and when I woke I would hit play and life could start again but I would feel on top of things and in control.

In my dreams eh?

Finding the silver lining

21 07 2010

A couple things have happened over the past few days that have really made me stop and think. Small things, like an advert for Cancer Research staying with me for a long time after I saw it. Being out with friends and being reminded how lucky we both are that we have very good, well paid jobs. Watching television and seeing a story of a woman with cancer who was simply amazing, her beauty and strength and soul just blew me away. These things made me cry, made me stop and take a breath and really think about my life and how I live it.

I am incredibly lucky. I have everything anyone could need to live. I own my own home, I have a husband who loves, supports and respects me. I have a beautiful baby boy who amazes me every day. We have a large family, and all of us are fit and well. We have jobs, and friends. We can do what we want, when we want.

Despite how lucky I am these basic truths just seem to get over looked in our day to day lives. The smallest things happen and I get anxious or worried or tense and I lose the perspective I have gained. On Sunday night I talked to my husband about all this in bed and we each decided what one thing had made us the happiest that day. We told each other that we loved them and we thanked the universe for everything we have.

Monday morning, when I was running late for work, and couldn’t find any clothes that were smart enough for work that fit me I could feel it slipping. As I ran about the house, trying to organise Piran and myself with wet hair sticking in all directions, five different outfits littering the bed I felt so stressed out that all of that feeling had gone. I snapped at my lovely husband and wondered if I could get away with Mr C passing Piran off to his mum for babysitting duties.

All of a sudden I stopped. It came back to me, how lucky I am. That I should never take anything for granted. So I went downstairs and scooped my baby boy off the floor and gave him a great big bear hug. I stuck my head in his neck and took one last big breath of him before kissing him three times. I made every second count. I stood at the door and waved him off, and then hugged and kissed by husband before I went back upstairs to continue to get ready.

These are the things that I promise to try to do:

I will take responsibility for myself and how I feel.
I will make the most of my life.
I will be grateful for the things I have.
I will remember how lucky I am.
I will list my blessings.
I will not regret the past, or worry about the future.
I will be present.
I will enjoy today.
I will see problems as opportunity for change.
I will find the silver lining.