My Merry-go-round

3 10 2010

I am empty of words or enthusiasm or inspiration. I keep thinking that I should blog, that I haven’t really written anything for weeks. We have been home from holiday for a whole week but other than my weekly gallery post I have hardly even turned on the computer. I am not sure what is wrong with me or why it is but right now I have nothing.

I am tired. Being back at work is frustrating, tiring, fulfilling, eye-opening. I get flashes of the person I was before I was a Mum, it both frightens and intrigues me. I miss Piran more than I expected, and get annoyed that by the time I see him at night I am too tired to appreciate and enjoy him so end up counting the minutes to bedtime. I am definitely still striving for the work-life balance that I need.

I am not living I am surviving and it annoys me. I am hormonal and difficult to live with. I have nothing to share with you, my friends and that is irritating me. This blog is the key to my sanity most of the time, so I worry when I cannot even manage to find something to write about here.

Still, I know that this feeling will lift soon and I will move on to the next thing we have to deal with. This year is passing so fast, it makes me feel like I have lost control. I am hanging on by my fingernails to this merry-go-round and just wish, for a day or two that things would slow down. Or that I had a magic pause button that stopped everyone and everything in it’s tracks so I could sleep and sleep and then when I feel refreshed I would clean and tidy and organise everything around me. Then I would eat and sleep again and when I woke I would hit play and life could start again but I would feel on top of things and in control.

In my dreams eh?




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