Inside my head

27 01 2010

Any minute now he is going to come into the room and start on me. I just know it. He will come in and have a go about the dishes not being done. He will come in and say that I have to get off my fat backside and go and do the dishes because he cooked. Well forget it. I am just doing to list everything else that I have done today. The fact that since this morning I have been picking up after him, from the wet towels left on the bed and the clothes in a pile from last night. I have worked all day as well. So he will have a go about the dishes and I will tell him what I have done. It won’t be good enough though. No matter how much else I have done he always sticks to that bloody rule. I will tell him that I will do the dishes in the morning when I don’t feel so tired. Then he will just go and bloody do them anyway, just to wind me up and make me feel bad. Well it is not going to work. I refuse to feel bad. But what if he ends up hating me? He could leave me. I don’t want him to leave me, although I wouldn’t blame him because I am so lazy. If he is mad I will be nice and hope he forgives me. Perhaps I should do the dishes so he doesn’t leave? Perhaps he is just waiting for an excuse to leave anyway. I knew this was all too good to be true. He thinks that I am lazy and he has had enough and if I start an argument about what I have done for him today and if I don’t put in the effort and do the dishes he will finally have the excuse to leave me that he has been waiting for. I knew it was all a lie, no one could want to be with lazy useless me. Well, if he is going to leave anyway I cannot be bothered to do the dishes. I swear if he leaves I will just climb into bed and never get out.

He walks into the room “I’m going to do this dishes, would you like a cup of tea?”

I wish I could say that this is a fictional situation but unfortunately this is what my hormones do to me once a month. Not just with Mr C but  have these fictional arguments in my head all day every day for days at a time. It is very tiring and I am so hard on myself. 

Disclaimer: NONE of this is a reflection on Mr C and his character. He is an angel and would never dream of saying anything like this to me. Apart from the part about doing the dishes and making me a cup of tea. 

This post is my entry for this week’s Writing Workshop – a conversation with myself. Click on the picture and come and join in.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

7 responses

28 01 2010
Heather

I can SO relate to this. i have this arguments in my head all the time, often made up scenarios that leave me feeling exhausted, emotional and mad as hell. You are not alone here. ((hugs))

28 01 2010
Very Bored in Catalunya

I also do this (just this morning in fact and also over something equally trivial), God knows why? I have a small word with myself and all is good with the world again.We really can be our own worst enemies sometimes can't we!

28 01 2010
Very Bored in Catalunya

I also do this (just this morning in fact and also over something equally trivial), God knows why? I have a small word with myself and all is good with the world again.We really can be our own worst enemies sometimes can't we!

28 01 2010
TheMadHouse

I think that the negative voices are louder than the positive ones, you have to concentrate really hard to let the positive ones through

28 01 2010
EmmaK

I can so relate to this. Why do our hormones drive us so crazy and why can we not stop being so irrational at the time of the month?

28 01 2010
Victoria

I do this too. Tell myself these horrible things. I found this week's prompt really hard to write (I did the same one) but what I'm loving about it, is that we all have these horrible voices in our heads, but by writing them down, and other people commenting, we realise that they are normal, part and parcel of being us. And we are not alone. It's a great post.

29 01 2010
Josie

Oh yes! I so do this. I build up huge arguments in my head over stupid things. I worry he's thinking this, that this is a problem, that he hates being with me! And then, the mood passes, I SEE my husband, for what he really is, and I realise how irrational I have been.Thank you for being honest and sharing this, I think so many of us will be able to relate to it xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: