Who comes first?

12 01 2010


If you click on the picture it will take you to Josie’s fantastic blog, Sleep is for the Weak. This week is week 9 of the Writing Workshop. This is my submission, I chose to write amount something that I miss.

I miss coming first.

I love being a mum. I knew my life would change when I had a baby but no one can prepare you for what it is actually like.

My husband doesn’t get it. He came in at the weekend and told me that he was off round to his mums. Now, he would only be gone for 20 minutes but it is the fact that he can just up and leave when he feels like it and he just assumes that I will look after the baby. In fact, I doubt it even crosses his mind.

That is not my life anymore. I am no longer able to do something as simple as go to the toilet without first considering someone else. Where is Piran, what is he doing, is he safe, can I leave him, how long until he notices I am gone and starts crying?

Now, I know that most of my readers will understand this. I am not complaining, but I do find it difficult at times.

There was a point where I was on holiday visiting family in November last year when I realised that being a mum was my full time job now, one that I quite probably will not get a holiday from for a very long time. When we are on holiday I still have to do everything that I do at home, so it is just the same stuff, different view! Where my husband is able to put his feet up, have a drink and relax because he is on holiday, I am still packing half the house, ensuring all baby needs are met and sorting out everything he will need as well. When do I get to put my feet up?

I am lucky, there have on occasions been times where I have baby free hours. However, I am afraid I have to admit to wandering around aimlessly, taking time to acclimatise myself to being alone, able to freely make decisions. It usually clicks into place 30 minutes before my time is up and the baby is back. I need to work on that! Mind you, I pay for the free time before and after, spending time rushing around packing all the bottles and things that he will need, then having to deal with the baby who didn’t nap as much as normal and has morphed into a grump!

‘Me’ time has been scarce recently, thanks to weather and Christmas and illness. But this week I have Thursday, Saturday and Sunday choc full of activities that are solely about me. Meetings and appointments, creative writing courses and a spa day (which just means a head massage and an afternoon of people watching and afternoon tea!). By the end of the third day I am sure that I will have got back into the swing of getting on and looking after me. I may even relax and enjoy myself, and I will go to the toilet without a thought.

However, ask me on Sunday evening what I miss.

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8 responses

12 01 2010
Sew Scrumptious

I'm so with you on this one. It gets even harder with two!! Well done for booking in some things for yourself. Its really important I think. Its reminded me to do the same. I feel a massage and hair cut coming on…

13 01 2010
Ang ( A Mum's Survival Guide)

I don't get it when men come in and annouce they're just going somewhere. My OH is a great hands on Dad but he still just goes off to do stuff whenever and doesn't think twice. I never get to do that.

13 01 2010
Josie @Sleep is for the Weak

I'm so glad you're getting some 'me' time this week! Fab!You know how much I struggle with this one too. No one could have prepared me for this when I dreamt of being a mum. But it's a strange feeling, because a big part of you WANTS to give yourself up for this little person. But you want to hold onto yourself too, and that's when it gets so hard and such a fine balancing act.Enjoy your treats and time to yourself. You really deserve it xxx

13 01 2010
Erin

I think all Moms struggle with this one. I know I still do. Sometimes when I find myself with a couple of child-free hours, I feel lost, like part of me is missing – and by the time I figure out that bit my child-free time is up!

13 01 2010
jumblyMummy

You're right. No one prepares you for the constancy of motherhood, the fact that you can't escape it even when you're on holiday. I think the only way to deal with it is to find that me-time… however you do it.

13 01 2010
turtleturtleturtle

"Me time", I need some of that. But even when I get it, I spend almost the entire time thinking about him, feeling guilty and buying him even more toys. They're always there, in the back of your mind, no matter where you are geographically. Fathers should have this problem too. Is it in their wiring?

13 01 2010
Chic Mama

It is hard and a lot of men ( don't mean to generalise)do forget that we can't just drop everything and do what we want when we want. It does get better and I have five! I just get a bit selfish at times.

16 01 2010
Claire

So true. I may complain about mine on a semi-regular basis, but goodness how I miss them. DS2 started preschool on Monday, and for the first time ever, I think, I had 2 hours to fill, alone, in my house. I did get stacks done, but it was so nice to go and pick them both up again. I get time "off" again today to go for a massage and a swim, and it's kind of bittersweet. I enjoy the me time, but I know I will be desperate to see them again.

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