Bring out the world’s smallest violin

5 09 2008

Not very happy today. Earlier this year I had a lump removed from my neck – it turned out to be tumor of some kind (long unpronouncable name!) but it was benign so that was the good news. The bad news was that because the bad cells went up to the edge of the sample they took they wanted more to be removed so that they could be sure that they had it all. In March I went back and had more removed. It was a horrible proceedure, under local anesthetic, and I didn’t react too well, lots of shaking and crying afterwards and it took a long time for it to heal and stop hurting. I had nine stitches in for two weeks and I am left with a horrible scar. Again they sent it off and again it came back that they still hadn’t got it all. The bad news was that now it was down to the muscle so operating again would be a problem. I agreed with the doctor that we would monitor it and he asked me to come back in three months time.

I went for the three month check yesterday and the doctor has now decided that he is not happy leaving it there so I have to have a third operation – bigger hole, more stitches, bigger scar. Great. Plus because it sent me a bit crazy last time they want to do it under a general anesthetic so that I don’t have to go through that again. Hopefully it will happen in October because if it is much later it will totally ruin our plans for a honeymoon in January because I will not be allowed to fly. It has also scuppered some other plans that are really important to me so I am really upset to be honest.

So that will be my fourth operation this year. I also had two hidradenitis leisons removed from a delicate area a couple of months ago which was also very unpleasant, plus I have another reocurring one that they cannot remove. Oh I am just so fed up with it all. I want to be well. I want to be fit and healthy and happy. I want to be able to enjoy getting married and the first few months of married life, not be in and out of doctors and having hospital appointments. I want to be able to make plans and see them through. I want to be well enough to go out and have fun and do normal things like a normal person. The neck thing does not hinder me except for the month or so after the operation but with three in 10 months that is 3 months of recovering. Add to that the time that it took to recover from the other operation and the discomfort I experience two weeks of every month with the other thing it just all adds up this year.

Still, I am taking some positive steps. I have been to a homeopath and she has given me some things to take and they seem to be working on the problems that I have with my digestion which is great (no more waking in the night and eating half a packet of antacids!) Sorry for the one man pity party, I am just low because of all this and it makes me feel better to get it all down.

In other news I have a pile of college work to do this weekend, crazy amounts actually, but I also have a lovely 3 hour trip to the spa. Because I’m worth it!




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