Sunday ramblings

18 02 2007

Things are getting really exciting with the house. It looks like it will be ours this FRIDAY!!!! How cool is that? I can tell you. VERY COOL.

I am happy and excited but it sort of feels totally unreal at the moment. I am all messed up inside – stopped taking the pill and the hormone imbalance is killing me. I go from being so utterly empty inside when I just want to lay around staring into space, to freaking out and being so jittery that I cannot think straight. We went to London yesterday to see City Girl and Girlie Number 1 (who has settled in famously and has been brushing down Andy Serkis on film sets and other amazing stuff. She is such a name dropper now. But she seems very happy and that is brilliant) I was a mess the whole time I was there. People were talking to me and I couldn’t concentrate on what they were saying to me. It was like I was watching what was going on through a fog.

Friday night I was so emotional it scared me. I cried myself to sleep because of a silly thing at work and the fact that when I tried to call my Dad to wish him a happy birthday he had just left to go out to dinner. I felt like such a stupid failaure. Which was just insane. I just couldn’t stop the tears falling.

Paul is being as wonderful as ever through the whole thing. Well, he has had his moments, a few insensitive comments but he always apologises. I love the fact that we communicate so well. We both realise that neither of us is perfect and we are able to tell each other when we have said or done something insensitive. In the past I have always stored this sort of thing up and used it as ammunition later but we don’t have the blazing rows that I have always had in my old relationships. Oh, could I finally be growing up?

I just wish that these dark moods and unpredictable behaviour would clear and I could feel on top of things so I can enjoy every minute of this exciting and happy time. We are embarking in something new, the next part of my life and I just want to feel present, not like I am a step behind everyone else.

We will see. I know the cause of this and I know that it will pass but I wish it wasn’t in full swing now.

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5 responses

19 02 2007
monkey typist

hello hello, you must be getting so excited about the house, i wish my flat stuff was all done with…if its not too nosey- let me know if you want to know about anything hormone-balancey, if youre wanting to take anything for it.anyway, im glad to see youre posting again

20 02 2007
Adz

Hope you are feeling ok, bet you are so excited about the house! Hope it all goes to plan this week!

20 02 2007
Kate

um, you kinda sound like me last year. depression is a bitch. i went on lexapro and it’s been awesome. i’m back to me again.good luck with the house!

21 02 2007
soulmining

Wow, you’ve so much going on! We must meet up for a chat. I’m thinking maybe next Friday if you’re free?

23 02 2007
Retro Girl

Congrats on the house. Looks like a great place with lotsa potential! Sorry to hear about the emotional rollercoaster…I have been there before. I know it’s really tough. Sounds like you are really busy…that sometimes can be a blessing in disguise, it can take your mind off things…Take care Kel

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